Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Shimmy What Your Momma Gave You

I recently was a facilitator of a panel discussion at a national industry conference.  I stood on a stage alongside four industry peers discussing best practices to a crowd of 200 people or so.  Most were at the management level within their own firm and they showed up to hear my group talk.  Folks, this was a BIG deal!

We were polished.  We were professional.  We shared great information.  We were bad ass.

Then it happened.  As I was being the epitome of professionalism on a national stage a bug flew down my dress.

I never saw it happen.  I felt it.

At first, I thought it was imaginary.  So I did a very subtle scratch of the dress I was wearing.  THEN. IT. MOVED.


I have never wanted to scream like a little girl so badly.  I was torn between being professional while listening to my counterparts during our presentation and REALLY WANTING TO FREAK OUT.  I prayed that the bug would voluntarily die.  I prayed that I could contain my composure.  I prayed that I wouldn't involuntarily rip my dress off on stage and stomp the SHIT out of it like I was making wine out of it.

Prayers work, folks.  They really do.

I survived the rest of the session and no one knew how much distress I was in.  I told some of my co-presenters about what happened and they laughed.  Then I loudly declared I was going to shimmy the five blocks back to my office to get whatever bug leftovers there were out of my dress.

I honestly cannot make this kind of stuff up.