Monday, October 22, 2012

Corpse Pose

I experienced my first Bikram Yoga class yesterday with a great friend.  In case you don't know what Bikram Yoga is then let me explain it. 
  1. Go into a room that is 105 degrees.
  2. The room will smell like a boys locker room multiplied by 1,000.
  3. Change your name to a hippie name.  I selected "Hummingbird".
  4. Place yoga mat on the floor and cover the mat with a beach towel.  The towel is not for extra cushioning.  It is to absorb copious amounts of sweat that come out of pores that you didn't even know existed.
  5. Do simple breathing exercises and bends.  I said they are "simple" ... do not read that as "easy".  Do this for 90 minutes.
  6. Master corpse pose.
  7. Realize the guy who is wearing a speedo in the class had the right idea of wearing little to no clothing.  Then realize, "That's really disgusting and he should probably have shaved."
  8. Curse the fact that there is no clock in the room and wonder when death will come.
  9. Master corpse pose, again.
  10. Wonder "when does yoga become enlightening".
  11. Pray for someone to accidentally pull the fire alarm and the sprinkler system showers you in a cool stream of life saving water.
  12. When sprinkler system does not go off realize you are in purgatory.
  13. Spew rainbow colored words under my breath because there is no talking in the yoga room.
  14. REALLY master corpse pose.
  15. Hate every hippie ever named "Hummingbird" and mentally change your name to "Abaxxa", dye your hair black, cake on the eye liner, and live out your teenage angst potential.  Goth never seemed so appealing.
  16. After class ends, pick up your towels.  Realize they now weigh 40 pounds with all the sweat in them.
  17. When sitting in the AC foyer next to a random stranger from the class do not use the f-bomb when asked "How did you enjoy the class".
If you haven't tried hot yoga I recommend that you do.  It'll make you appreciate the next time you accidentally shut your finger in a door.  Or get hit by a car.

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