Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Don't Change the Radio ... Unless You can Pop-N-Lock It

In a continuation of how I like to torment my older brothers (see yesterday's posting for the first segment) I also like to listen to pop music when they ride with me in my car.  Not because I love pop music but because I know they don't.

In case you don't know the law of being the driver, the driver picks the radio station.

If they wanted to listen to music they like then they should drive us.  Hindsight is 20/20.

However, I'm a reasonable person.  I can't torture someone without giving them a way out.  So I always offer up the "dance off" option.  If they can out dance me (the driver) to a pop music song I will change the station to their choosing.

I have yet to lose a dance off.  I have also yet to have a competitor as my brothers refuse to do the dance off.  Pop music lives on!
Yes, I have done this while stopped at a stoplight.  I have never regretted it.

Monday, October 29, 2012

The Forbidden Milkshake

I have two older brothers.  We are all in our 30s but the majority of the time we resort to being teenagers when the three of us are around each other.  At that moment, we tend to bug the living crap out of each other.  My brothers love to tease me.  Nothing mean spirited, mind you.  Mainly just a play on words, won't let me live down a childhood mishap, or they'll just be guys (rough housing and immature).

I love my brothers.  Always have and always will.

However, when I'm losing an argument or they have figured out how to get under my skin I use my secret weapon: the milkshake reference.  It usually goes something like this:

Brother: You work too much.  You are never going to get a guy like that.
Me: That's weird.  I'm pretty sure I make a milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard.
Brother: (silence)
Me: That's right. It's better than yours.
Brother: SHUT UP!
Me: I can teach you but I'd have to charge.
Brother: Oh god. (walks away)

In case you don't know what I'm talking about enjoy the video below.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

What Not to Wear in Target

I purposely do not wear khaki pants and red polo shirts together.  You may ask "Why?"  And my answer is "Target". 

I never know when I need to make a quick run to Target and if I am caught wearing khaki pants and a red polo in that store I might be asked to stock shelves.  Ahem ... I don't stock shelves in my own house let alone at a retail store.  Not that I'm above stocking shelves.  I just don't want to.

I'd say the same thing goes for khaki pants and a blue polo but I don't go to "Best Buy" anymore.  And, honestly, who does?  There are electronics on the Internet or in the back of vans that are so much cheaper. 

I've also stopped going to WalMart after several heated debates in graduate school.  The phrase that was constantly used to describe the company was "blood sucking".  However, if I did go I'd want to make sure I didn't have the flu and in my ill-fitted pajamas because no one wants to be caught on People of Walmart.

Unless you are this guy ....

Monday, October 22, 2012

Corpse Pose

I experienced my first Bikram Yoga class yesterday with a great friend.  In case you don't know what Bikram Yoga is then let me explain it. 
  1. Go into a room that is 105 degrees.
  2. The room will smell like a boys locker room multiplied by 1,000.
  3. Change your name to a hippie name.  I selected "Hummingbird".
  4. Place yoga mat on the floor and cover the mat with a beach towel.  The towel is not for extra cushioning.  It is to absorb copious amounts of sweat that come out of pores that you didn't even know existed.
  5. Do simple breathing exercises and bends.  I said they are "simple" ... do not read that as "easy".  Do this for 90 minutes.
  6. Master corpse pose.
  7. Realize the guy who is wearing a speedo in the class had the right idea of wearing little to no clothing.  Then realize, "That's really disgusting and he should probably have shaved."
  8. Curse the fact that there is no clock in the room and wonder when death will come.
  9. Master corpse pose, again.
  10. Wonder "when does yoga become enlightening".
  11. Pray for someone to accidentally pull the fire alarm and the sprinkler system showers you in a cool stream of life saving water.
  12. When sprinkler system does not go off realize you are in purgatory.
  13. Spew rainbow colored words under my breath because there is no talking in the yoga room.
  14. REALLY master corpse pose.
  15. Hate every hippie ever named "Hummingbird" and mentally change your name to "Abaxxa", dye your hair black, cake on the eye liner, and live out your teenage angst potential.  Goth never seemed so appealing.
  16. After class ends, pick up your towels.  Realize they now weigh 40 pounds with all the sweat in them.
  17. When sitting in the AC foyer next to a random stranger from the class do not use the f-bomb when asked "How did you enjoy the class".
If you haven't tried hot yoga I recommend that you do.  It'll make you appreciate the next time you accidentally shut your finger in a door.  Or get hit by a car.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

5 Second Rule

There are some foods that can never pass the 5 second rule.  If you don't know what the 5 second rule is then you must be snobby.  I'm not above eating something off the floor if it is in that 5 second time frame.

And, yes, I do count the seconds.

The foods that can never abide by the 5 second rule include:

  • bananas
  • gum (already chewed)
  • ice cream
  • sweet potatoes, cooked
  • soup (difficult to scoop off the floor)
One food that should be on the list but I can't bring myself to do it is avocado.  I seriously love me some avocado.  I may rinse it off under the tap but I never throw away a good avocado piece.

I'm ashamed but at the same time know I'm 100% addicted to the lovely avocado goodness.  And, yes, I may have eaten a piece of avocado off the floor recently.  Don't worry, though.  I very rarely share avocado.
My precious.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Quick Dish: Salad Niçoise

I love France.  I love French food.  I love French people (except for that one guy but that's for another blog post).  So when I came across an episode of 'Julia and Jacques: Cooking at Home' and they did a rendition of the classic Salad Niçoise I knew I had to make it my own.

Here's the kicker, though ... I'm on a budget.  Therefore, I felt like I actually lived in France and had to make do with what I had.  C'est la vie!

Vinaigrette Dressing:
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tablespoon of champagne vinegar
2 tablespoons of stone ground mustard
dash of salt
1 teaspoon of honey

Mix all of the ingredients in a sealable container and shake it like a Polaroid picture.  Set aside.

2 cups of fresh green beans, blanched
handful of yellow and red cherry tomatoes, cut in half
1/4 cup of red onion, sliced thin
1 can of tuna in oil
1/4 cup of olives, kalamata and green olives cut in half
1 hardboiled egg, quartered
handful of basil leaves

Place the salad ingredients on a plate and drizzle 2 tablespoons of the dressing over the salad.  Super simple salad, super fresh and incredibly delicious with a variety of flavors.  The lovely thing about this salad is that you can alter it however you want and it'll be amazing.

I did have the majority of the ingredients on hand except for the basil and green beans.  Totally fit within my meager grocery bill but my taste buds never knew the difference.

Bon appétit!