Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Too Old for This

This past weekend I shared in the celebration of a friend's birthday.  And in "shared" I mean "tried to kill a couple of teenagers with dodgeballs".  It was glorious.

We went to Jumpstreet, an indoor trampoline park, and it includes trampoline dodgeball.  TRAMPOLINE! DODGEBALL! 
I won't bore you with the details of how awesome it is but I will say this ... I'M WAY TOO OLD FOR IT!  The kids that myself and my grown up friends were playing against were old enough to be our children.  Don't get me wrong; the kids were fun and good sports.  However, I didn't realize I was too old for the game until the day after the day after.  That's right.  I went Saturday and felt fine Sunday.  Because my body was numb.  Waking up Monday was horrendous.  And the worst part?  Sitting at a desk, working on spreadsheets and presentations, and then trying to stand.

I'm surprised I can even type.  It also didn't help that I did a killer spin class Saturday morning and an upper body workout Sunday afternoon.  An easy lift chair would be ideal right now.

I would say I learned my lesson but we all know I didn't.  I can't wait to get back in the cage of dodgeball greatness and make some kid cry.  And by "some kid" I mean "me".

Friday, August 3, 2012

Lunch Meat Fiasco

At the grocery store the other day I was minding my own business in the lunch meat aisle.  Nothing exciting happens in the lunch meat aisle.

Until I saw a lady taking a VERY long time to pick out a package of lunch meat.  And then I saw her EAT LUNCH MEAT!  She was opening the package, taking out a slice, and popping it in her mouth.


So I stood there giving her the evil eye.  I was a bit shocked.  A bit grossed out, too.  And I just thought, "Open one more package and I'm going to call the cops."  Because, seriously, she was stealing and I didn't think grocery store management had the guts to take down a ruthless lunch-meat-eating-monster.

I ended up standing there for a very long time staring at her as she looked at EVERY.  SINGLE.  PACKAGE OF LUNCH MEAT.  So I decided to take matters into my own hands and decided to do a drive by glaring.  (Which is very effective in the grocery store.)  As I got closer I had the chance to peak into this uncivilized woman's grocery cart.  And you know what I found?!

A package of lunch meat that was sliced by the deli counter.  Turns out, the lady was finishing her free sample of lunch meat that the counter gave her when I initially spotted her.

I'm guessing she just really likes lunch meat.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


In case you live under a rock or are a Communist, the Olympics are in full swing in the country we spanked back during the Revolutionary War United Kingdom.  I love sports.  I also love hot guys (hello, USA men's volleyball team).  I love being patriotic.  However, I loathe McDonald's and not really sure how they equate being an Olympic sponsor with trans fats but I guess dollars speak louder than obesity.

Excuse me ... climbing down from my soap box takes a moment as it is pretty high.

Now, where were we?  Oh, yes.  Olympics.

Sports.  All the time.  Energy bill is going to be HUGE!

However, watching this many sports in a short amount of time has an adverse affect on me.  I now believe I'm qualified to be a judge for any event I have watched so far during the Olympics.  From the comfort of my American living room I argue with the Olympic judges, I critique athletes on what they should have done better, and I feel prepared to defend the unofficial scores I give each athlete.

I may have never done gymnastics and if I ever went off the high diving board it was because my older brothers teased me into doing it when I was 8.  However, thanks to NBC, Twitter, and online streaming ... I can now be the most annoying person in the room.
Olympic Event: Revolutionary War Awesomeness!