Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Mornings and Julie Do NOT Mix

In case we have never met … I am NOT a morning person.  I am the type of person who thinks Christmas morning should start around 11am.  The one gift I ask for my birthday is to let me sleep in.  The rising sun and I are mortal enemies.

Which is why a 6am Body Pump workout class sounds hideous to me, yet it works.  I get up at 5:40 in order to get to the gym by 5:55.  I am dressed to the 2s (nowhere near the nines that so many fashionistas talk about) in shorts, a baggie shirt, and my hair in something similar to a pony tail crossed with a porcupine.  I am dead sexy at 6am. 
I’m not sure how I get to the gym because I don’t actually wake up until 6:30.  By 6:30 I realize that I’m working out and I automatically want to go back home, crawl into bed, and sleep for another 30 minutes until my favorite infotainment show comes on, The Today Show.  (Matt Lauer is still damn sexy with a balding head.  Grrrrr!)

However, I don’t want to look like the horrible monster that I am so I stay in class to push through the remaining 30 minutes.  The bad part is that I am now awake.  And I hate everyone who is in the gym.  I especially loathe the instructor.  Who is way too chipper for that time of the morning.  I automatically assume the instructor is a Communist.  Only Commies can crack jokes, smile, and put you in agonizing pain by doing 3,000 squats before 7am. 

By the time my punishment is done I’m soaked in sweat (yummy, I know) and awake.  I get home in time to water plants, take out the trash, tune into Matt “Sexy Pants” Lauer before Ann “I’m Trying Too Hard” Curry ruins the fantasy, and make a protein shake.  I get ready for work and make a half-butt effort to look normal.  If I lifted the right amount of weights in Body Pump I walk like a robot the rest of the day and can’t lift my arms past my elbows.  This makes going to the restroom difficult but, thankfully, not impossible.

The Body Pump class does wonders for my legs, arms and soon to be buns of steel.  However, it does nothing for my need to sleep-in.  It is not making me a morning person but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it is making me a more tolerable person before 10am.

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