Friday, June 3, 2011

Infomercial: The Diet to End All Diets

Are you tired of watching your calories?  Does going to the gym throw a kink in your schedule?  Do you get a headache with the thought of eating fruit and vegetables?  Then you should try the new “Tonsillectomy Diet”!  This fool proof diet plan will guarantee you to lose weight, clear up your complexion, and get you plenty of rest.

The “Tonsillectomy Diet” is simple and requires little effort.  In three easy steps you’ll go from “Ho Hum” to “OH WOW”!  First, get your tonsils removed.  The tonsils are like the gallbladder … good for nothin’.  Removing your tonsils will help with the second step of the diet which is letting your throat and tongue swell up.  Don’t worry!  You don’t have to lift a finger.  Your throat and tongue will magically swell up all by themselves.  And the last step is “Try to Eat Something”!

Try getting a burger past your swollen tongue or a slice of pizza down your doubled-in-size throat.  You just can’t do it!  The miracle of the “Tonsillectomy Diet” is that your body will only want water and flavored water (also known as chicken broth).  Just watch the pounds come off your body!  And the hidden bonus is since you are only able to intake water your complexion will be marvelous. 

Legal note: A swollen tongue and throat will require you to sleep sitting up.  Lack of sleep is guaranteed on the Tonsillectomy Diet.  It is recommended that you take plenty of pain medication prescribed by a Board Certified doctor in order to get any sleep.  If you should try to eat anything other than water or flavored water while on the Tonsillectomy Diet I am not responsible for your error.

1 comment:

Cathy H said...

The image cracks me up. (You know she looks like you!)