Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Evil Stairs

I treated myself to the trip of a lifetime in 2009.  Greece.

I saw ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants’, ‘Bourne Identity’, and ‘For Your Eyes Only’.  I am a huge fan of Greek mythology and history.  I love a Greek diet.  I figured I was prepared.  I had seen the pictures, heard the stories, and ate the food.  What else could I do to get ready to go to my ideal vacation spot?

If you are considering going to Greece please remember what I’m about to tell you … GREECE HAS AN UNGODLY AMOUNT OF STAIRS.  And they are not good ol’ fat American stairs.  They are Greek dieting stairs; big enough to put your pinky toe on.  Plus, the stairs on the Greek islands are white washed.  This means they are blinding to the naked eye and slippery like slugs.  Even when you see the Acropolis you think “Amazing”.  When you realize there is no elevator or escalator you think “Amazing.  They aren’t ADA compliant”.

No one told me this!  The movies never portray these evil stairs.  Apparently, having Matt Damon slip and land on his lovely bum would not fit the image of Jason Bourne.  I am not sure why not because I’m sure his endearing buttocks are insured.  Paintings of Greek history always show ancient Greeks lounging and being fed grapes.  What the painting did not depict was their crutches because I’m sure they are lounging from having broken their leg on a trip to the Agora.

So, when an American tourist has to trapeze down a mile of evil stairs with the knowledge of having to climb back up to the hotel utilizing a harness, safety net and parachute (just in case) the idea of the Hollywood vacation vanishes.  The trip to Greece has now turned into a Stairmaster boot camp.

In all honesty, after the third day you forget about the stairs because you are now concerned that your hamstrings are going to rip in half.  However, since the good shopping is near the shore line (at the end of the evil stairs) the trek is made because you have to have that shiny plastic trinket for 7 euros.  What a bargain!

Would I go back?  Definitely.  Should I train by running The Dallas Cowboys Stadium three times a day for 7 months?  Yes, but I won’t.  The culture, people and scenery are amazing.  No place like it on Earth.  The stairs may be hell but the experience is heaven.

By the way, the food was amazing.  Nothing to complain about there.  Even the grape feeding was true!

1 comment:

Cathy H said...

OMG, what a great way to start my Wednesday morning. You crack me up!